WebWordsInternet Chatrooms

With the advent of the internet, people have new ways of doing things. It has become a place where, like in our cars, we are almost completely cut off from the outside world. Instead of speech, we use text. Instead of touching, we try to reach out with our literary skills. We cannot hear what is being said and emotions have to be expressed graphically. In doing so, we lose a real interaction with other people.

Computer games allow people to pretend to be mindless thugs and murderers, thieves and criminals; perhaps, even, masters of the universe. Our brains are taken to levels of depravity that, in years gone by, most of us wouldn’t even have considered. However, there is a huge interest and a growing thirst for these types of activities, perhaps because technology, itself, is removing from us the ability or even the will to interact with others.

For years, gay men, in particular, have become increasingly fickle, judgmental and unpleasant towards anyone they perceive to be unworthy. Usually due to a lack of physical beauty and in the world of gay men, if you are not young and “fit”, you don’t stand a chance.

When I was young, it was the gay “scene” which I was drawn to, because it purported to offer me fulfilment. It didn’t! On most Friday and Saturday nights, I found myself in a room with strange people, loud “music”, body odour and the foul fog of cigarette smoke. When I returned home (usually alone), my clothes stank and I was tired and weary, but always alone.

I am a sociable person and I enjoy the company of others, but my upbringing never prepared me for what that meant to many other gay men: the freedom to judge me - harshly. This was the beginning of my losing most of my self esteem.

Finally, I sought and found an internet chatroom for gay men. I was hooked!

In the beginning, chatrooms were simple; they allowed a username and a “bio-line”; a one-line sentence to describe the person behind the text.

I met (or arranged to meet) a number of men, over a period of time, via the chatroom. Sometimes, they turned up as agreed, sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes, they were friendly, other times they were rude! Sometimes we became intimate, often we just talked. However, arranging these encounters was fraught and long.

I remember one meeting I had arranged; I was told to drive somewhere open where I would be met. I arrived and waited. I telephoned him. He asked me to walk forward a few paces, which I did. A few feet further and he disconnected the call. He was waiting in the warmth of his home, from where he could clearly see me. That is the type of human being (I use the term loosely) that uses the chatroom and considers themselves to be so far superior than others, that elementary courtesy should not be extended to anyone not matching their criteria for "physically acceptable".

The entrance to the chatroom now has images of beautiful young men and these are the basis for men’s aspirations.

As technology improved, we could create profiles and eventually upload photographs. Some men refrained from including photographs, due to a lack of self esteem or wanting anonymity. (Profiles are predominantly accessible to anyone using the internet.) I always knew who would not want to meet me; they insisted on seeing a photograph of me. Usually, when I sent one, they ignored me.

Men soon decided to display more intimate images, rather than their faces, because they felt that would gain them more attention. The written part of a user’s profile is rarely read. If men don’t “fancy” you, they won’t even acknowledge a friendly “hello”. They fear that an acknowledgement may be interpreted as an invitation to sex.

They scan profile photographs and, if your face and body match their requirements, they feel compelled to tell all and sundry: “U R FIT!” That is the limit of their social skills.

Chatrooms are a fascinating look at others, from the safe distance of one’s home. It allows us to judge, criticise, abuse, threaten and express our prejudices, without fear of recrimination.

Gay men frequently think nothing of rebuffing others, to buoy their own self-importance. One “joker” told everyone I was ugly and he blamed my mother, whom he said should have shot me.

I have had chats lasting many months, even years, with men who have no intention whatsoever of meeting me. Perhaps they know that I am so desperately lonely, that I will give almost anyone a chance, in my quest for companionship.

Even in their writings about themselves, some gay men cannot resist a quick “swipe” at others. It is designed to keep at bay anyone not deemed to be physically suitable. There are also many “beautiful” men who have little or no self esteem, because they have been hurt or let down by those whom they loved or tried to become close to. I often feel compassion towards them, though; offering friendship and even trying to help them find a partner. Of course, nobody thinks that I, too, might need some help.

When one sets one’s entire philosophy for seeking a soul-mate, on physical attributes, after the first few nights of passion, men frequently find they have so little in common, that they return to the chatroom, in search of a “newer model”. It is a magnet. If this is the future of dating, people will eventually find that the best years of their lives have been spent in the unrewarding pursuit of something that doesn’t exist in reality.

I have derived some pleasure, though, in watching others laugh at my “postcard” sense of humour. I have also enjoyed the infrequent, sexual encounters I have had. Without them, my life would have been totally devoid of intimacy. However, with the increasing hostility towards mature members, I wonder whether it may soon be time for me to hang up my cyber cloak and accept that the chatroom is now the place for youth and beauty, although I cannot help feeling that it will be an even more vacuous place without me.